What to write / What to write in a birthday card
What to write in a birthday card
You've got the card, the pen and no idea what to put. It happens to everyone, usually in the car outside the party.
There's a simple shape that works every time: their name, one true thing about them, and a wish for the year ahead. Three sentences, and the card says something only you could have written.
This page shows you how, then gives 56 fuller messages for the birthdays that are hardest to write for: the milestones, the people you don't know well, a friend having a rough year, and the first birthday after a loss in their family.
How to write one
Start with their name
Write it the way you'd say it out loud, nickname and all. It's the smallest thing on the card, and it's the bit that makes it theirs.
Say one true thing about them
Not a list of virtues. One thing: they always ring back, they make the best roast potatoes, they drove two hours when you needed them. If nothing comes, think of the last time they made you laugh.
Finish with a wish for the year
Make it fit them: a good summer in the garden, a quieter year, the trip they keep talking about. A wish that could only be for them beats 'all the best' every time.
For a milestone, mention the number once
An 18th, a 50th or an 80th deserves a nod, but the card is about the person, not the arithmetic. Say what the years have added up to, then wish them well for the next lot.
When you don't know them well
Keep to the same shape and keep it modest. Thank them for one thing you've noticed, a kindness or a favour, and wish them a good day. Two sincere sentences are better than five borrowed ones.
When their year has been hard
Don't pretend otherwise, and don't dwell on it. One line that says you know, one that says you're there, and something practical if you can offer it. It's fine to leave out the word 'happy'.
What to write in an 18th or 21st birthday card
Look forward. Say who they've become, then wish them well for what comes next.
Happy 18th birthday. You can now vote, sign for your own parcels and be asked for ID everywhere you go. We're so proud of the person you've become, and we can't wait to see what you do next.
Eighteen today. It feels like five minutes since you were learning to ride a bike on the drive. You've grown into someone kind, funny and very much your own person. Happy birthday.
Happy 18th. The world is about to get a lot bigger, and you're ready for it. Wherever you end up, there's always a bed and a full fridge here.
Happy 21st birthday. You've packed a lot into twenty-one years, and the best of it is how much you did your own way. Here's to whatever you decide to do next, and to a very good night tonight.
Happy 21st. You're the person your friends ring first, and that tells me everything about how you've turned out. Enjoy tonight, and drink a pint of water before bed.
Welcome to being a grown-up. It's mostly pretending you know what you're doing, and you already seem better at it than the rest of us. Happy birthday. Enjoy every bit of today.
What to write in a 30th or 40th birthday card
A little teasing is expected. Put something kind next to it.
Happy 30th. Your twenties were for working out who you are. Your thirties are for enjoying it, with better furniture. I hope this year is a cracker.
Thirty today, and you've got more in place than you give yourself credit for: good friends, a good heart and a decent coat. Happy birthday. I'm glad I get to be around for this decade too.
Welcome to thirty. A late night now takes two days to get over, and you'll soon have opinions about dishwashers. It's lovely here, though. Happy birthday.
Happy 40th birthday. I've known you long enough to say this with confidence: you get better every year. Here's to the next forty, and to a very good party.
Forty. You know what you like, who you love and which invitations to turn down. That's worth celebrating. Happy birthday, and thank you for being such a steady friend.
Forty today, and still the youngest person I know at heart and the first in bed by ten. Happy birthday. Don't change a thing.
What to write in a 50th or 60th birthday card
Happy 50th birthday. Half a century of being good company, giving good advice and knowing where everything is kept. We're very lucky to have you. Enjoy every minute of today.
Fifty years, and I've been lucky enough to be there for a good few of them. You've been the same loyal, funny, generous person in every one. Happy birthday. Here's to plenty more.
Happy 50th. You're halfway to a card from the King, and wearing it very well. Have a wonderful day and a large slice of cake.
Happy 60th birthday. Sixty years of hard work, good humour and looking after everybody else. This year we hope you get some of that looking after yourself. You've more than earned it.
Sixty today. A garden that looks lovely, a diary that's busier than mine and a family who think the world of you. Not a bad haul. Happy birthday, with all our love.
Happy 60th. You've spent sixty years getting this good at being you, and it shows. Now go and book that trip you keep talking about.
What to write in a 70th, 80th or 90th birthday card
Say thank you. These are the cards that get kept in a drawer and read again.
Happy 70th birthday. Seventy years, and you still have more energy than the rest of us put together. Thank you for every school pick-up and every bit of good sense. We love you very much.
Seventy today. You've seen a lot, fixed a lot and forgiven a lot, and done it all with a smile and a cup of tea in your hand. Have a wonderful birthday. Today you're not lifting a finger.
Happy 80th birthday. Eighty years of stories, and I could listen to every one of them again. Thank you for all you've given this family. Today it's our turn to spoil you.
Eighty today, and still the first to arrive and the last to sit down. We hope you know how loved you are. Happy birthday from every one of us.
Happy 90th birthday. Ninety years is a remarkable thing, and you've filled them with kindness. It's a privilege to know you, and a bigger one to be part of your family.
Ninety today. You've lived through more change than the rest of us can imagine, and you're still the one who remembers everybody's birthday. Today we're remembering yours, with all our love.
What to write when you don't know them well
For a colleague, a neighbour or the in-laws: polite, warm and specific where you can be.
Happy birthday. I hope the day brings a good lunch, an early finish and a quiet evening doing exactly what you like. All the best for the year ahead.
Wishing you a very happy birthday. It's a pleasure working with you, and the place is better organised and a good deal friendlier for having you in it.
Happy birthday from next door. Thank you for taking in the parcels and keeping an eye on things when we're away. We couldn't ask for a better neighbour. Have a lovely day.
Happy birthday. Thank you for making me feel like one of the family from the very first Sunday lunch. I hope you have a lovely day and that everyone looks after you for once.
Wishing you a very happy birthday. You raised one of my favourite people, so I owe you a good deal more than a card. I hope the year ahead is a happy and healthy one.
Many happy returns. I hope today has something nice in it: good food, good company and a bit of time to yourself. With best wishes for the year to come.
What to write to someone having a hard year
Say you know, say you're there, and offer one practical thing. No need to insist on a happy day.
Happy birthday. I know this year has asked a lot of you. I hope today gives a little back: a quiet hour, something good to eat, and people who love you close by.
I know a birthday can feel strange when things are hard. There's no need to celebrate if you don't feel like it. I only wanted you to know I'm thinking of you today, and I'm glad you were born.
Happy birthday. You've got through a year that would have flattened anyone else, with more grace than you realise. Here's to an easier one. I'm with you for all of it.
Thinking of you on your birthday. No fuss, unless you'd like one. I'll bring cake round on Saturday, and we can eat it in our pyjamas and not talk about any of it.
Happy birthday. I can't fix this year for you, much as I'd like to. But I can turn up, put the kettle on and listen. That offer stands today and every day after.
What to write for a first birthday after a loss
Their birthday, the first since someone in the family died. Mention the person they're missing and change 'mum' or 'dad' to fit.
Thinking of you especially today. I know this birthday has someone missing from it. However you spend it, quietly or with a houseful, I hope it's gentle on you.
Happy birthday. I know it won't feel the same this year without your mum. She'd have been the first to ring you this morning, so I wanted to make sure somebody did. Lots of love.
I know today is a hard one this year, and there's no right way to do it. If you'd like company, I'm a phone call away. If you'd rather be left in peace, I'll leave something on the doorstep.
Happy birthday. Your dad was so proud of you, and he told anyone who'd listen. I hope today has some good memories in it alongside the hard ones. Thinking of you.
This is only to say I've remembered what day it is, and who you'll be missing. No need to reply. I'm thinking of you, and I'll ring at the weekend.
What to write from all of us
For the office card, the family card or the club card, written on behalf of everyone.
Happy birthday from all of us. You're the one who remembers everyone else's, so it's high time you had a fuss made. Enjoy the cake, and don't even think about doing the washing up.
Many happy returns from the whole team. Thank you for the patience, the good humour and the emergency biscuits in your drawer. Have a brilliant day and a restful evening.
Happy birthday from every one of us: the big ones, the little ones and the dog. You're the middle of this family and we love you to bits. See you on Sunday for cake.
Happy birthday from the lot of us. We'd be a much duller crowd without you, and a far less organised one. The first round tonight is ours.
With love from all of us on your birthday. We clubbed together, signed it in terrible handwriting and meant every word. Have a wonderful day.
What to write in a birthday card for a teenager
Keep it short, mean it, and don't try to sound young.
Happy birthday. I won't embarrass you with a long message. I think you're brilliant, I'm proud of you, and yes, it's the present you asked for. That's it. Have a great day.
Happy 13th birthday. A teenager at last. You're allowed to roll your eyes at this card, but I hope you know how much we love you, eye-rolling and all.
Happy 16th birthday. You're funny, you're kind and you work harder than you let on. Whatever this year throws at you, exams included, we're right behind you.
Happy birthday. I know I'm not cool, but I do know a good person when I see one, and you're turning into a very good one. Enjoy today, and stay up as late as you like.
Another year older, and somehow another inch taller than me. Happy birthday. I love hearing what you think about things, even when what you think is that my music is terrible.
What to write in a birthday card for a son or daughter
Tell them you're proud, and of what. They never get tired of hearing it, whatever they say.
Happy birthday, son. I've watched you grow from a boy who wouldn't wear a coat into a man I'm proud to know. You still won't wear a coat. I love you all the same.
Happy birthday to my daughter. The day you arrived was the best day of my life, and you've been making the others better ever since. Thank you for every one of them.
To my lovely daughter on her birthday. You're braver than I was at your age, and kinder too. Whatever you're doing today, I hope you feel as loved as you are.
Happy birthday to my son. You ring when you say you will, you make me laugh, and you turned out better than any plan I had. Come home soon and I'll do a roast.
Happy birthday, my darling. However old you get, I'll always remember what time you were born and what the weather was doing. It was the making of me. Have a wonderful day.
Happy birthday from Mum and Dad. We don't say it often enough, so here it is in writing: we're proud of you, we like you as well as love you, and we always have.
What to leave out
- Jokes about age in a milestone card, unless you know they'll laugh first.
- 'At least' in any card to someone who is grieving or struggling.
- A long update on your own news: save it for when you see them.
- Promises you won't keep: only write 'I'll ring on Sunday' if you will.
- Filling the whole of a group card: leave room for the others.
Questions people ask
How long should a birthday card message be?
Two to four sentences suits most cards. A milestone, or a card to someone close, can take a little more. If you've filled the left-hand side as well, you've written a letter, which is lovely, but it isn't required.
How do you start a birthday card message?
With their name, then either 'Happy birthday' or straight into the one true thing: 'Dad, you've fixed every car I've ever owned.' Both work. The second sounds more like you.
What do you write in a milestone birthday card?
Name the birthday once, say what you admire about how they've spent the years, and wish them well for what's next. For an 18th or 21st, look forward. For an 80th or 90th, say thank you.
What do you write when someone is having a hard birthday?
Say you're thinking of them, don't insist on a happy day, and offer something specific: a visit, a meal, a phone call at the weekend. After a bereavement, it's kind to mention the person they're missing rather than write round them.
How should I sign off a birthday card?
As you'd end a phone call with them. 'Lots of love' for family and close friends, 'With love' or 'Love from' for others you're fond of, 'Best wishes' for work and neighbours. In a group card, a short line and your first name is enough.
What do you write in a group birthday card?
Keep yours to a line or two so there's room for everyone, and try not to repeat the person above you. If you're writing on behalf of the group, speak for all of you: 'from all of us', and one thing you all value about them.